Back away from the tampon Oscar !!!!

He is so much smaller than me, so much weaker, so much cuter . And to be honest .....what had he really done . Ok - he had systematically worked his way through an 18 pack of super plus when I found him - but really - was it such a disaster ? I mean - so what that I am about 4 days away from IT and in full possession of the fucking demons ? Completely irrelevant that I would chew through the rotting, stinking, dirty hide of a dead walrus to get to a piece of chocolate . So why then was my first response to turn on the ceramic straightening iron with the full intention of doing god knows what to this cute little canine before my daughter pointed out that this was not normal behaviour...... not even for someone in full blown PMS ( which by the way does not mean premenstrual syndrome ..... it means "psychotic misinterpretation of situations" )

Seriously ! I know this topic is tired and has caused many a relationship glitch but I am here to set the record straight! We do not do this on purpose . We do not have a secret wish to maim, kill, beat to a pulp, crush, smother, pummel beyond recognition ..... oops sorry got a little carried away. It is so infuriating that when I am starting to "go off " as my husband so lovingly puts it he acts like he is about to endure something far worse than me ! " oh man ..... again!" he sighs

" but you just had it ! " ( instantly my hand begins to quiver and reach for the closest sharp object ...... maybe just a little tiny poke.......) Surprisingly enough, it is way way worse for us. We feel like we want to hurt people ..... especially those closest to us ..... and of the male variety. And then when IT finally envelops us in all IT'S pain and rage and blood and large clumpy things that come out of us...... we are supposed to act normal ?

Like today, when I went outside to take the tampon stealer pee and the neighbour was out there too ( which made me mad cause how dare he be out there on his own lawn when I was in no mood to see anyone ) and he fucking smiled at me !!! What the hell is that all about I thought . So I shot him what I intended to be a smile but I am sure looked like some kind of contorted wince . My husband also wonders how it is possible that when I am in the midst of a "going off" episode and a friend calls I can be all "oh hi sweetie ..... want get together for coffee later ?" Well here is why ... because we take pity on fellow sufferers . We know that IT will be here for them soon enough. The truth is Yes men ,we are punishing you for not having to endure IT . There I said it ! We are getting back at you. When the demon comes for us every month we go to epic lengths to keep it at bay when dealing with our female friends. And you know sometimes ...... even that fails. But for you .... we cannot hold back . Impossible. So ya .... we are bitchy and sex is put on hold and you have to deal with our completely irrational behaviour. BUT it is so much worse for us . So take my advice ...approach us like we are sociopaths and just back away gentlemen.........just back the fuck away ... especially if you are going to say something stupid like " good morning honey! " I mean what the hell are we supposed to do with that ?????