On Trying .....

This is going to be nasty. I am warning you now. I can't not say it though. I can't not comment on it . It has been the topic of many heated discussions among my closet friends and mere acquaintainces............ok.....here I go ........ diving in so to speak. (for those of you who have seen Trainspotting ) ..........................................

You know how you could slide the grand canyon into the ever increasing gap between the thought processes of men and women and still have lots of elbow room ? Well nothing illustrates that more than our respective habits when it comes to, you know .... number 2. I so don't get the whole male approach to it . And I am not alone. Men plan for number 2. They take activities with them and at times even snacks. Lets just say that for most men number two is not a "quickie." They do this weird thing where they plan for it and they further increase the weirdness by heading into the bathroom with this tenacity to literally make it happen. They go in , they try, and it happens. Weird. I guess that is what all the activities and snacks are for..... the waiting and the trying. It is not like that for women at all. There is no planning. No activities - and for sure , for absolutely friggin' sure.... no bloody snacks. We either have to go or we don't. Until we feel that "feeling" we don't think about it . We just feel that we have to go and then we go. There is even some urgency around the whole thing. I have this term that frightens my husband. ( but I am not afraid to share it friends ) "In the shoot." That is it . It is either "in the shoot" or it isn't. You can't coax it into the shoot. You can't sit and wait for it . And more importantly..... why would we want to do that ? My daughter uses it now ....... "hey mom it's in the shoot !" This is where the controversy and conflict comes in. My husband prides himself on his astonishing regularity. You could set your watch by it. He is, in contrast ,horrified at my epic irregularity and attributes it to the fact that I don't "try" hard enough. He does not understand this "in the shoot" concept and insists that if I head in to the appropriate room and "try" - that magical things will happen. We have had arguments about it . Mostly because I do not get what "trying" involves. Seriously ! I have given birth .... I know a thing or two about coaxing something large out of relatively small and somewhat reluctant orifice. But how the hell do I "try?" What is involved ? He has never been able to tell me or explain it.... my daughter is baffled too . Is this mysterious "trying" some type of man myth ? Honestly I have yet to see one of my female friends or co-workers head in to the bathroom, book and snacks in hand to "give it a go." Weird.